Ever since my parents got divorced I would get to spend a few weeks with my dad every year, and I always had mixed feelings both before and after the visit. Before, I would dread the boredom when he inevitably had to work (I knew all the plotlines for Another World and Days of Our Lives) or having to be on my best behavior for church/relatives, but excited about getting to hang out with my dad. After, I would feel guilty for not being more grateful for my dad going the extra mile to make sure I had a good time, and seeing his lone figure at the airport waving at me made me pray that he could start another loving family so he wouldn’t be so alone when I’m not around. At the same time, I would be happy to go back to my “normal” life and be with my mom and hang out with my friends.
Although the circumstances have changed, I still have mixed emotions whenever I visit my dad, and this past week was no different. On one hand, it makes me super happy to see my dad’s family doing well, and watching my little brother and sister grow up is truly amazing. On the other, I end up feeling a little sad because I always get the impression that my dad was unable to live up to his expectations for himself, and although he is constantly telling everyone how proud he is of me, I know that I have yet to live up to his expectations for me as well.
It’s always nice to have something more to strive for. Maybe I can still go be a doctor…
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